i used to consider myself quite far apart from the older cousins. i’m used to hanging out with the smaller ones. i always feel wanted by the kids. *well, that’s the secret why i am loved by all the seniors’ children. hehe.

but hey, since i stepped into the united states. i realized that i started to be closer with the elder ones. and the ones of same age. okay, none of them is of the same age, but some of them are of the same batch! as of before, i kinda feel excluded, but now, i feel like i’m one of them~ it’s so happy to feel that way. ^_^ i am no good at talking with elder people. so, hint hint! saya tak boleh ngorat mak mertua. hahaha, :p so, i just have to take the heart of the bf, so that he’ll fight for me. hahaha. mashi je boleh ngorat mak mertua. mashi terer cakap ngan mak mak ni. :p hihihi.

well, yes. they started to chat with me. they sent me messages asking if i were okay. telling me what they are up to. and stuff like that. sometimes, it’s nice when people treat you as grown up. ^_^ but i just don’t know how to make them treat me that way. i just know how to play with the children and be one of them. for example, alia called me to her room; let’s dance! haha. or. abie took my hand; let’s watch snow white together!

it feels so cute sometimes.

but sometimes, i feel like i wanna be THE grown up. it feels so mature? but i just don’t know how to act like one.
i’m over sensitive. over dependent. over reacting. i just don’t know how to be mature.

but i still love the way my cousins treat me now. i hope that it’ll stay the same when i’m back for summer holidays. then, i can hang out with them. chit chat. laughed at the same jokes. and stuff instead of going to the guys’ room and play ps3 with them. then, the kids would come and pushed me and conquered the game.and the others would asked me to jump on the bed with them. * and no, the bed didn’t break. HAHA.

not that i don’t like doing all that,
but…. well, you know what i mean.

sometimes, i need some changes.

sometimes, i got tired of how people treat me.

sometimes, i’m tired acting like i don’t care.

and sometimes, i give up. and i really don’t care anymore.

i’m tired being the one who chases things.

with that, i’m retreating myself….

This entry was posted on Monday, February 8th, 2010 at 11:31 pm and is filed under The Story Of My Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.